Couples Therapy in Oakland
Restore your connection and return to love.
You want so much more from your relationship.
-
There’s an edge, a judgment, or criticism in a passing comment. You or your partner become defensive, and the energy rises as you go back and forth. Before you know it, you’re off to the races and embroiled in another argument where you’re both trying to prove a point, and no one’s heard.
One or both of you eventually shut down. You’re hesitant to come back later and address it (expecting that you'll get right back into it) and things go unresolved. You feel more hurt and lonely than when you started. You want your relationship to be a safe harbor in life—not the source of the storms.
When you try to make sense of where you are and why, you might conclude your partner is the problem, you are the problem, or there’s something wrong with your relationship.
-
Your relationship looks fine on the outside, but you don’t feel fine on the inside. A lot of energy is spent managing your shared life–parenting, activities, work, in-laws, and friends–but the emotional or physical connection between you has fallen by the wayside. You’re growing apart, and it’s painful because this is the person you fell in love with. It wasn’t always like this. You remember how it used to be.
Your efforts so far haven’t led to the change you’re hoping for. But you don’t want to throw in the towel without trying to work on the relationship and see if things can get better.
The lack of satisfaction and intimacy you feel ripples outward and influences how you feel elsewhere. And this makes sense—after all, the quality of our relationships determines our quality of life.
You might be dealing with increased anxiety recently, trouble sleeping, or distraction as you go through your day.
Apart from your own happiness, the impact of these issues on your children worries you. You want to give your kids a secure family environment to grow up in and a healthy model of relationship.
These experiences are not at all uncommon, and couples therapy can make a big difference.
How couples therapy works
What if you could emerge stronger as a couple from this difficult chapter?
Couples therapy can give your relationship another chance.
The issues you’re facing right now as a couple are not necessarily unsolvable problems. They can serve instead as invitations to go deeper, inside yourself and in your partnership.
Relationships can be seen as cycles, usually a mixture of positive and negative ones. Together, we’ll learn about the cycle(s) you get pulled into over and over: where do you get stuck? What thoughts, meanings, and feelings are evoked? What parts of yourself take the reins during a fight? What do you long for underneath it all?
As you gain greater awareness of these dynamics and come to understand your cycles, you come to understand each other better. And more choices begin to emerge.
In sessions, we won’t rehash arguments, debate what really happened, or who’s right. Instead, we’ll:
Unlock cycles in which you get stuck.
Uncover core needs and desires underneath.
Learn new ways of expressing and meeting them.
Navigate conflicts skillfully
Repair the hurts with more ease
I see it as my job to help you get to the heart of things and create new possibilities together for your future. If you’re ready to get support and find the road back to each other, I’d love to be your guide.
Couples Therapy can help you:
Develop healthier communication skills through conflict
Address resentment and unresolved tensions
Understand each other’s pain points, needs, and desires more deeply
Rebuild trust and sense of security
Rekindle affection, romance, and sexual connection
Create a more intimate and loving relationship
Go from disconnected and disheartened to reconnected and closer than ever.
FAQ
-
At this moment, you may feel uncertain, overwhelmed, or at a crossroads in your relationship. What I have found is: if each person is willing to give energy and consistent effort to working on the relationship, counseling can be successful, and your relationship has a great chance to heal.
While couples therapy can be incredibly effective in improving relationships, it’s important to understand that it’s not a magic fix or a guarantee for saving it. The success of therapy depends on several factors, including: both partners’ willingness to engage in the process and put in the effort, the intensity of the issues, each person’s ability to be open, vulnerable and honest during sessions, and whether both people are committed to working through the problems together.
Therapy provides a safe space to address issues, gain insights, and build skills, but the outcome is ultimately in the hands of the couple and how much they’re willing to internally invest in the process.
-
No, you don’t have to wait until you’re thinking about calling it quits to consider couples therapy. It can benefit a range of relationship situations, from mild communication problems to more complicated conflicts. Many people pursue couples therapy as preventative care, to navigate life transitions like engagement, parenthood, or career shifts, to improve conflict resolution, or deepen physical and emotional intimacy.
So, while couples therapy can be life-changing for partners facing serious challenges, it’s also an excellent tool for those who want to strengthen or safeguard their relationship. Whether you’re dealing with a small issue, going through a big transition, or simply looking to enrich your relationship, couples therapy can provide valuable guidance, skills, and support.
-
Every couple’s situation is unique, and the duration of therapy can vary. Here are some factors that influence the length of couples therapy and what to expect:
It depends on your goals: some couples come in seeking help with a specific issue, while others may need more comprehensive support.
Frequency of sessions: in couples therapy with me, we’ll meet weekly. In my opinion, this provides a consistent rhythm to go deeper (and faster) into work of couples therapy and derive the most benefit.
Severity of the Issues: couples therapy can be helpful to address mild or chronic conflicts, trauma or betrayal. But the more complex the issues, the more time is usually required to work through it thoroughly.
While it’s important to take your time and allow therapy to unfold at its own pace, there are a few ways to maximize your progress:
Be consistent with attending sessions and doing any “homework” or exercises recommended between sessions.
Communicate openly with your partner and me about what’s working and what’s not during the process.
Practice new skills learned in therapy (e.g., communication tools, conflict resolution techniques) outside of sessions.